1) Don't  merely announce your Vice-Presidential running mate; Also announce your entire cabinet.  Make sure each of the runner- up candidates gets a place on the cabinet.  That will silence the clever pundits who want the country to believe the Republicans are splitting up three ways into, 1) Fiscal Republicans, 2) Strong Military Defense Republicans and 3) Morally Conservative Republicans.

2) VERY IMPORTANT:  Although each of your peers and competitors should be on your cabinet, none of them should be your Vice-Presidential choice. That title should go to a female African-American, (maybe Condoleeza, maybe someone else) I wish we lived in a world where such Political Correctness was unnecessary. But, you see, this way, the Democrats will not be able to talk about gender and race during the election. If they can’t play the race card and gender card, there will be little else for them to talk about.  It will, quite frankly, pull all the wind out of their sails. NOTE:  Some Democrats will call the VP nominee an “Uncle Tom” but since the VP will be a woman, such Democrats will sound foolish when they do so.

3) Realize that most people in the country are conservative.  They are the high majority.  True, the old media and college campuses are 99 percent liberal, leaving us with the delusion that the country is in a fifty/fifty split.  If you have the courage to actually stand up for your convictions, you will feel like you are the lone wolf speaking out against the majority but you will discover, (much to your pleasant surprise) that you have many friends and therefore it did not take a whole lot of courage at all, just common sense.

4) In that same vein: Stop fretting over what The New York Times says about you. Nobody cares anymore. At least, not the high majority of the country and not the people who put you in power.

5) ALSO:  Stop worrying about what the United Nations thinks of you. Once again, most Americans and pretty much all conservatives think about the UN as fondly as we think of a canker sore.  By the way, while we are on the subject, let’s just leave the UN.   Seriously, let’s simply pack our bags and pull out.  It might just contribute toward boosting our anemic economy.  After all, we are the UN’s biggest financial contributor and they express their gratitude by putting the United States down at every opportunity. They also allow two bit demagogues (Chavez, Ahamadinnejad)  to have an audience at the UN Building in New York, thus enabling them to demean our own President right in our own country.  In fact, that whole building should be turned into a public toilet. That way, its existence will not be viewed as a waste of time just a waste disposal. Now it will have a practical purpose, far more practical than any advantage we ever saw to the United Nations.

NOTE:  The New York Times will write a horrible editorial about the first candidate (other than Ron Paul) who suggests we leave the UN. See point 4 above.

6) Should any of these suggestions be applied, and you win the election and if you find that Republicans also regain the House and Senate in 2008, for Pete’s sake, don’t screw it all up again like Republicans did the last time they were in control.  You can start by actually honoring the wishes of those who put you into office instead of honoring the wishes of the whining, minority, Democratic congress who did not put you in office. No more “reaching across the isle.”  No more "Gang of 14." When Democrats find themselves in the minority once again they will start in about how the people really want “bi-partisanship.”  You must remind them to sell that kind of stuff in a used car lot where it belongs. After all, they only believed in bi-partisanship until they regained the majority in 2006. At that time, the “bi-partisan” talk went out the window and their new interpretation of the election was, “The people have spoken.”  You see, to Democrats, the people have only spoken when they are in power.  The people have never spoken when Republicans are in power.  You must learn to ignore these pests. Just remember: The squeaky wheel does not necessarily have to get the grease.

7) Please be a brave soul and talk more often about the Fairness Doctrine because nobody else is talking about it and if it raises its ugly head, it will kill Talk Radio and Talk Radio is largely responsible for placing you and other Repblicans in power.  In a related fashion, you must oppose forthcoming Hate Crimes Legislation which is really Hate Speech Legislation, which is really code for Militant Gay Agenda Legislation which is really “Making It Against the Law to Speak Against Homosexuals Legislation”, which is really Unconstitutional, Anti First Amendment Legislation. Some of you need to talk about how Canada already passed this horrific assault upon free speech. You may also want to mention that public schools in California have this restriction already.  This will take real courage because you will be called a homophobe, a fascist and many other words by people who don’t even know what the words mean, but then, such people make the loudest noises.  Remember, if we lose our rights to freedom of speech, none of these other issues matter any more because we will no longer be living in America.

8) Get rid of the following, tired rhetoric:

“I believe in strong boarders but it is economically and physically impossible to send back every illegal alien.”

Nobody has ever asked that you do that. This is a red herring argument.  All we ask is that when illegals happen to be discovered, by policemen pulling over speeding vehicles etc. that those particular individuals be sent home. Oh yeah, and make it against the law for people to hire illegals. Oh, wait, I forgot. That’s right: It’s already against the law. OK then…Well, ENFORCE THE LAW!!! Word will get out. The well will run dry and the illegal immigrants will return home all on their own.

As for the fence, don’t worry so much about it. Simply inform the Mexican government that for every one of their citizens who gets across our boarder, we are dropping an additional 20,000 dollars in aid to Mexico.  You’ll be surprised how fast the problem goes away.

9) Here’s another phrase that needs to be retired: “Illegal immigrants are doing the work we are unwilling to do.”  

Putting aside the racism behind that remark, (Yeah, this time it really is racism.  It just doesn’t sound like racism when a liberal is saying it.)  And putting aside the class system it creates, not unlike the Patricians and Plebeians of ancient Rome, the statement is simply untrue. Many Americans would do this kind of work but cannot find this kind of work because employers have chosen to pay below minimum wage when they can get away with it, rather than the money due an actual American citizen.

10) One more phrase that needs to be retired and this one will be spoken only by your Democratic opponent during the debates. “Personally, I’m against abortion but if you want to have one, it is OK.”  

Have you noticed that supposedly nobody is in favor of abortion? Not one Democrat. Not one liberal. They renounce abortion personally as an obligatory disclaimer, all the while claiming to publicly protect “a woman’s right to choose,” because their campaign advisors stupidly tell them this will appeal to both sides. 

Let’s think for a moment: Either abortion is the taking of a human life or it isn’t.  If it isn’t why are you personally against it?  If it is, why is it OK for somebody else to have one?  This is like saying, “Personally, I think it’s wrong to hold up a 7-Eleven but if you want to hold one up, we will protect your constitutional right to do so.”  Again, it is (in general) only the Democratic candidates who will say this during the debates. Don’t let them get away with it this time. Challenge them quickly, before the audience applauds. Audiences are sheep and they usually applaud those bold sounding loud mouths who don’t actually say anything. Incidentally, if you point out to a liberal that Partial Birth Abortion means we partly deliver a full term baby and drill its brains out, the liberal will quickly snap back and say, “That description was uncalled for and in bad taste.”  At that time, ask them why it is in bad taste. By merely posing the question, you will have won the debate because they will have no answer. Obviously such a “medical procedure” is ghastly and by claiming your description was in bad taste, they will have committed a Freudian slip and admitted how ghastly it is. But they will not want to admit any such thing.  Instead, they will pretend to answer the question by saying, “You wanna talk about murderers?  How about that George Bush?”  At this point, stop them and point out that they failed to answer your question about Partial Birth Abortion.

11) While we’re on the subject of debates, the next time a moderator insists that you can only give a one word response to her “brilliant” questions, tell her to go climb a tree. The people will love you for it. The New York Times won’t.  Once again, see Point 4 above.

12) As for the oil crisis and our “buddies” the Saudi’s: Stop doing the two-step with this country that claims to be our friend and is in fact our enemy. Say to them (a bit less than diplomatically) “Now you just sit down and shut-up and we’ll tell you what you are going to do.”  If they don’t listen immediately, cut off all aid to their country.  If they still don’t listen, confiscate their oil. Call it the bill for saving their necks during Desert Storm. 

13) While we are in the Middle East: Just leave Israel alone and let them deal with the Arabs their own way. You’ll be surprised how quickly this ends the terrorism problem. A lot of these terrorist dudes simply won’t be around any more.

14) And again, while we are in the neighborhood, how should we deal with Ahamadinnejad?  Take him out.  Just take him out.  Either arrest him or kill him. Do it quickly because he certainly plans to kill us.

Finally, stop using the phrase, “War on terror.”  That is too general. And stop the phrase, “War against Al-Qaeda.”  That’s too specific.  We are at war with Muslims. (I know, not all Muslims, only the ones who actually read the Koran and take its Jihad commands seriously). If it will make you feel better, if you need to use the term “Militant Islam,” so be it.   Let’s just be clear about declaring war on the real enemy. After all, that enemy has been abundantly candid about declaring war on us.

Do these things and you may save the Republican Party.  Come to think of it, you may just save America at the same time.  The liberals won’t like it. But then, many of these liberals aren’t really interested in saving America anyway, are they? 

Before you go, review Point 4 just one more time.

This is Bob Siegel, making the obvious, obvious.

Some of Bob’s other controversial posts:

Politically Correct Quiz

And:

So What If He's A Mormon? Posted at 4:05:11 AM on Sunday, December 16, 2007

One Thing We Can Know Right Away Posted at 11:53:06 AM on Thursday, December 27, 2007

Maybe Next Time Big Bird Can Be The Moderator Posted at 1:16:39 AM on Saturday, December 15, 2007

2007 Oh, That Horrible Christianity!

Posted at 4:53:43 AM on Thursday, December 13, 2007

“The Bob Siegel Show can be heard every Sunday from 3:00 to 4:00 PM on KCBQ 1170 on the dial or KCBQ.com to listen live over the Internet.

Call in toll free number if you want to join in the program with questions or comments:

1-888-344-1170