The Liberals are literally falling apart over the selection of Sarah Palin.  Never have I heard such ridiculous arguments and you would think I had, since I have been listening to liberal arguments for years. But this is a new all time low, even for them.

One would think that any discussion of Palin's qualifications for Vice-President would be unwelcome, since it only reminds us that the Republican VP nominee is more qualified than the Democrat presidential nominee.  The smartest thing on their part would have been to let it go and cease the discussion immediately.  Instead, we are comparing a former mayor and current Governor with an 80 percent approval rating and a glorious record of successfully fighting corruption to...what exactly?  Maybe Obama was once a safety patrol guard in Elementary School, but if so, I haven't heard about it yet.  In a recent interview, Obama compared his experience to Palin’s by talking about his campaign.  That's right! His campaign!  It seems that in his campaign, the Boy Wonder has managed many people and in his campaign, they have handled lots of money. Catching on?  These days you are qualified to be president by running for president, and well, Sarah hasn't been running for president, has she?  Nope!  She's been too busy serving as governor of Alaska.  No experience there.

And the stuff they keep trying to dig up on her!  OK, her daughter is pregnant out of wedlock.  But she will be married before the baby is born.  Remember how the press vilified Dan Quayle for speaking against an episode of Murphy Brown in which Murphy chose to be a mother out of wedlock?  And since when have sexual morals mattered to the Democrats anyway? When Bill Clinton was discovered having an affair in the White House, we were told that his personal life had nothing to do with his job performance and that Republicans were too obsessed with sex.  In fact, Republicans were only concerned about a president lying under oath, but the spin never admitted this.  Instead, Republicans were lectured about keeping a public figure’s personal life out of the conversation.  Our liberal press sure managed to obey this rule by ignoring John Edwards's affair, leaving it up to the National Enquirer to stay on top of the story.  Oh wait!  I forgot.  Edwards was a Democrat.  Family matters are personal and off limits for Democrats and open season for Republicans. We aren't allowed to talk about Michelle Obama either, even though she travels around the country giving speeches about America. She is off limits.  But Palin's 17-year-old daughter (not involved in politics) is not off limits.

Another charge:  By furthering her career in politics, Palin is spending less time with her children. This makes her a villain.  Of course, liberal women have fought for the right to serve in the military.  I guess fighting over seas would keep a mother away from her children less than public office.  And (lest we forget) had Sarah decided to simply abort all of her children, she would have been a heroine.

Sarah's husband is not off limits either.  He had a DUI over twenty years ago and (brace yourselves) he also ran a stop sign once!  Wow!  This guy's case should be ranked with the Nuremberg Trial convictions!

Well, time to get all the rest of it out on the table.  In an effort to help my liberal friends, I will save them the trouble of further investigation. I found out some additional corruptions from Sarah and her family.  In David Letterman style, I took the liberty of organizing them into a Top Ten list.

TOP TEN REVELATIONS FROM SARAH PALIN'S PAST:

10)  Once, while watching a Little League baseball game, she moved down the bleachers to sneak into a better seat while no one was watching.

9) While playing Monopoly, she talked her friend into taking Water Works and Electric Company in exchange for Boardwalk and Park Place. The sucker lost and Sarah misrepresented herself by claiming she was offering a fair deal.

8) As a busy career woman, she often has to cook TV dinners.  On one such occasion, she forgot to pull back the foil to expose the Tator Tots. Her kids did not enjoy the meal that night. She is lucky no one called Child Protective Services.

7) On very reliable authority, personal friends caught Sarah and her husband having an argument once.

6) Back in the 70's, she watched an episode of Donny and Marie (I have a special problem with this one, but what can I say? Forgiveness is a virtue.)

5) In the Second Grade, she answered a question in class without raising her hand.

4) In similar style, once when her parents were throwing a party, she spoke without being spoken to.

3) Living in Alaska, she once commented on how cold it was outside. This offended those who were concerned about Global Warming.

2) She seems to be under the belief that the life of a human being is more important than the life of a Polar Bear. This, along with her views of Creationism, suggest that under Sarah’s rule, the Gestapo will be at your door some day.

1)  She once wore contacs. This was clearly a covert attempt to hide the fact that she needs glasses.


Does it all sound rather stupid to you?  Don't worry.  It will get even stupider, only it won't be coming from a satirist.  It will come from people who try to peddle this stuff with a straight face.

Also by Bob Siegel:

They Sure Didn't Make us Wait Long