Posted by
Bob Siegel on Monday, November 22, 2010 10:38:31 AM
As told by our own Smiley Miley, a recurring character on The Bob Siegel Show:
Hey Kids
Thanksgiving is just around the
corner. And even though the actual holiday is Thursday, we’re going to give you
Friday off too. When you add in Saturday
and Sunday it will seem like a four day holiday but you would have gotten
Saturday and Sunday off anyway so it’s really a two day holiday made out of a
one day holiday. Isn’t Thanksgiving fun?
Thanksgiving is a different kind of
holiday than Christmas. We don’t use the word “Christmas” anymore because the
word offends the 5 people in our country who don’t celebrate Christmas.
Not so, with Thanksgiving. Because
no matter what people believe, everybody still loves to eat. So have a great
time with your parents around the big dinner table stuffing your little faces
with turkey, pumpkin pie, cranberry sauce and candied yams. And unlike Christmas, you can even say,
“Happy Thanksgiving” to every one of your little playmates. But be careful and
make sure you don’t tell them who we are being thankful too.
Because if you did that, you might have to explain that the first Thanksgiving
was made up of pilgrims who were thankful to God. And we don’t talk about God
anymore because talking about God makes people upset and it makes them afraid
that those who don’t believe in God will be arrested and put in jail. That
would never happen but people are still afraid it will happen and, well, you
don’t want people to be afraid, do you?
Of course not. So don’t talk
about God unless you want to call him, “Allah”.
Then it is Ok because people don’t worry about being arrested in America for not believing in Allah. They just worry
about being arrested in all the other countries if they don’t believe in Allah.
Now I know what some of you are
thinking, “What if someone asks me what the first Thanksgiving was all
about? How can I explain that without
mentioning God?” Silly. There are all kinds of things to mention about the
first Thanksgiving. You can mention the Mayflower. You can mention the Pilgrims,
so long as you leave out the part about them coming to America for religious freedom. Because mentioning
religious freedom means we will lose our religious freedom. But there’s plenty
more to talk about. Talk about how wild the original turkeys were and talk
about the Indians who were friendly to the Pilgrims. Calling the Indians
friendly is always a smart and sensitive thing to do, only don’t use the word
“Indian” Use the word “Native American” Then people will smile at you instead
of accusing you of hate speech.
Oh, one more thing: If people ask
you why Thanksgiving is a holiday be sure not to tell them that “holiday” means
“Holy Day.” Otherwise you’ll have to
explain what’s holy about it and we’ll be right back where we started.
Well now that you’re up to speed on your
etiquette and courtesy, Happy Thanksgiving everybody.
Also By Bob Siegel
When Popular Words And Phrases Hinder Speech
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Bob Siegel is a political satirist and
Christian apologist. He is also a
regular contributor for The Washington Times , San Diego News Room and San
Diego Rostra.